Tuesday, June 30, 2009
true feelings.. ; 10:05 PM
why should i go look for a paradise when it is right in front of my eyes..Labels: paradise she is..
beautiful she is.. ; 9:46 PM
this is the girl that i love..
Labels: truly she is..
happy day for me.. ; 8:27 PM
today early in the morning..as per normal like memories i went to wait for her at the usual block..as per usual, i reach then text her..and she reach there told me suke kasi org kelam-kabut..i told her i didnt ask her to rush..cuz i don mind waiting for her.. =)then we proceed to eat at saffron..but packed.. -_-soo off we went and eat at afghan..CHAPATTI!!=))then meet joe under his block..meet hadi and syirah in the bus..then we took 31 from interchange to go school..TRAININGtraining for the IRIR was really fun..my eyes locked at her..saying "i just love her"everytime she caught me looking at her, i look elsewhere..she smiles when i look at her..i hope the love is growing again, even when i cant be with her..while we are resting, cikgu call for the dancers..talking to them..then i looked at her..she caught me..then i go close as i want to read the lyrics too..she lean on my shoulder..i feel the love from her..i wonder if she is feeling it too..then we have our last training..then we go down to C1..Cafe 1..when we reach there,i and her straight away went to the ice kacang shop..i bought ice longan with nata de coco..at that point of time, i felt hurt..like being shot..i saw her wallet..our pic gone..being replaced by him..mt mood turned as i was trying to control my feelings..express it in my phone..didnt talk to her then..STUDIOback at the studio..she ate another 2 medicine..that i brought for her..she then feel pain and ache..i massage her..then i feel that she slept while im massaging her..i asked her to slp on my lap as she will be going for anugerah later..soo she need to replenish her energy for it..as she sleeps on my lap..i keep playing with her hair..belai wajah die..saying again to myself.."i just love you fardiyana.."my leg was anty anty already..but i tahan for her..for my love..because i dont want to wake her up..looking at her slp..makes my life peace..she looks beautiful even when she is sleeping..sigh..then rai need to wake her up to get ready for anugerah..they then rush2..i do up her hair..comb it for her..then tidy her fringe and blusher..then we all went off..the sad part coming..i thought of giving her a hug before she goes..but..the bus came and all of them are chasing it as they are late alridy..at that point of time...i suddenly felt alone..everyone run saying goodbye to me..its like as if im gonna lose them forever..i have been left out when i went china..and now when im back, i cant join them..left out again..OMW HOMEafter they took bus..i walk alone like a guy without anythg in life..i took 38 and drop at afghan..go get my perfume and waited for 28..bus reach, took it and went home..reach home..i miss her alridy..threw my wallet on the bed and it opened up..showing my pic with her..switch on my lappie..there US again on the wallpaper..but i have to be strong..im just a friend to her..NEXT DAY2moro going Science Center with her..hope it will be another happy day and ending for me..i see you 2moro my love..ok lah till here..btw we took a few pics in the bus..will upload it later..saw her in the screen of my tv..i wish i could be by her side..i miss her..Labels: wish it never ends..
replaced.. ; 3:39 PM
hurts when being replaced..Labels: everything is replaced by him..
Monday, June 29, 2009
staying strong.. ; 10:39 PM
hello hello kopi teh milo!hehe..firstly i wanna thank my berry..for saying words thats builts up my strength..thanx my bestie berry!i now can pick myself up again..Alex And Rosie i will pray for us to be..i gave her all the stuffs..she is happy..im happy that she like it..now im like chatting with many people..Berry, Rai2, Nurul and many more some weird people..eww..why msn now like people we dont know also text us..weird huh?ok back to my story..i have gain my strenght because of her..now im going strong..being her best friend..brother ton huh berry..hehe..i misse dthe past..but i have to let it go..let her be happy now..i know my happiness will come by too..not now..next year..or the year after..and i believe one day US will be back toget..i will wait for that day to come..will u be hoping it too..i dunnoe but i hope you are..=)till here for today..see u 2moro berry..and dont forget the date..or should i say competion?or challenge?pool and bowling..=))Labels: terima kasih tuhan..
Sunday, June 28, 2009
i hope not.. ; 10:13 PM
to my frens..im sorry if i have to run out of cemta 2moro..Labels: i dont wanna breakdown..
i wish.. ; 10:04 PM
i wish..miracles would happend..i will just pray for it..Labels: hanya kau yang mampu mengubah segalanya..
i know i should reflect myself on this too.. ; 9:47 PM
you are saying that its the best for us..i know i have said this before..and the ans u gave me is waht i want to say to u right now..i know its too late for us to discuss about it right now..because you have found your new companion and is moving on..i will try to study..im just scared my past is repeating..failing final year because of this..i will try not to..because if i want you back, i must have a good career..to take care of you and insya'allah our family..we always have thought of our future..we think far ahead..one boy and one girl..in a house..family of four..touring the world..sigh..i rilli hope this would be like where rainbow ends..i hope naim can tc of you..i dont want u to do what u did in bali again..its the second time u did that..im worried..when u are depressed and feel alone, pray to him..dont do all that again keyh my dear yana..i know you can change..in my eye..you are the angel..i trust you..i believe in you..you too must..i know i have grown weak with all this..because when i went away i left half my strength in you..when we hugged..thats why now you have the strength to move on..thats the truth..u know what i mean ryte..remember that time im not feeling well?i did something and you ask me what is it..but i didnt tell you?hope u know what im trying to say..do tc keyh yana..it feels weird calling you this way..but no matter what,cintaku terhadap dirimu takkan pudar..menantikanmu untuk kembali disisiku akanku menunggu..i love you and will be waiting..even for a thousand years..even if i have to chase you for thousands of miles..i will be waiting..Labels: i wont give up waiting..
stupidity.. ; 3:13 PM
im stupid.i rilli am.should have told her.now she wont change it.even when i cried i hate myself.everytime i regret.i will never have the chance.i hate my life.i hate me.i hate all.i just want to make up my mistakes..shouldnt we be given a 2nd chance in life..but i guess it isnt in my life..thanx for the book..the book gave me hope..its like you are giving me hope..but its all wrong..i shouldnt read the book..soo that i wont hope and be this way..but no matter what..i will wait for you..bcuz you are my true love..and only you have the place in my heart..Labels: i need you..
does she...? ; 2:32 PM
im wondering if you still loves me..but i will always be waiting for you..Labels: pls dont stop loving me..
if i dont.. ; 1:59 PM
if i dont love you and think of you,why would i go all the way to Suzhou with my frens just to look for roxy stuffs..if i dont love you and think of you,why would i put my whole heart reading the book trying to find the ans..if i dont love you and think of you,why would i cry going to slp looking at our pics in my psp..if i dont love you and think of you,i wouldnt bother to put our pics in my psp and wallet..if i dont love you and think of you,i wouldnt call you when im there..it hurts me when you ask about her..bcuz i thought you would know that i called you bcuz you are the important person in me..thats why i called you..not her..AIRPORTwhen i first landed in Singapore,i text you the first then called my mum..u didnt reply soo i thought you are aslp..when i reach the arrival gate,i was eyeing for you..but i know its late at night soo maybe you cant come..on the next day, i waited for your reply..but still silence..then i got to know u change ur blog url..i can feel that u r moving on..then i get ur new blog and read the post..it shot my straight at my head..but i know its my fault..but i still keep myself positive that u still have that tiny feelings for me..soo i wont give up..TODAYi went out early in the morning with my dad to decorate my niece bdae party..it reminds me alot about you..her theme is diney princesses..everywhere i walk theres belle..i took the pics of it as it is you..then i went home..HOMEi switch on the laptop and saw her online..god knows whats in my heart..i happily text her..and because of that im starting to smile again..but she cant accept me..but i will make a place for me back in her heart..thats my word..i love you Nur Fardiyana Bte Sulaiman..just wait there..im here..Labels: crawling back to you..
Saturday, June 27, 2009
i miss those moments.. ; 8:47 PM
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i miss this girl a lot..
im still loving her even if she hates me..
Labels: i miss us..
to berry <3.. ; 7:58 PM
i hope you will be reading my blog still..because it will all be about us and us and us..i know that i have hurt you deep by the post i posted before i went to China..but that was a day before i went..on the day that i wanna go, if u want to know, i feel like hugging u..not letting you go..i cried on my way to the plane..regretting..because i wanna tell u that i love you and to wait for me to be back..because i wanna patch things up with you..but im scared i will stop u from having your happiness with him..every single day..every hours..every mins..and seconds of me in china..i have never stopped thinking of you..ur pics everywhere in my vision..ur voice everywhere in my ears..ur memories with me in my heart..im just afraid to break up ur life now..looking at you happy with your new boy..ur pics with him..ur happiness with him..BUT...i will never give up on waiting for you..i will never love anyone else more then i love you..i will never forgive myself till you talk to me and forgive me..i will never be happy like before until im back with you..i will never dance till you are back with me..i will never move on in my life..i will never fall in love ever again..i will never..never..BECAUSE..my heart is still calling to you..missing you..and loving you always..as times goes by, i just love u more as i miss you even more..i know that you are really hating me now..i see it in your blog and i can feel the hatred you are having towards me..you know my story..my past..about me being used..its repeating..i know you know what..i have told her off..i just want you..the girk that make me realise my talents and happiness..and making me realise that im a good photographer..a good dancer..and you are the first girl that watch me perform..and you made it there just for me..no one knows the feelings beyond it..i know there is a tiny bit of love for me in that heart of yours..and i promise i will make it grow again..i wont stop loving and waiting for you..MEMORIES..i still remember the day i first saw u dancing..i dunnoe how my eyes caught you..maybe bcuz u forget your steps..bcuz of that imperfections in you that i fall for you..my eyes just cant stop looking at you and my mind cant stop thinking of you ever since..my heart feels peaceful and my world full of silence when you are by my side..ever since that day, i cant stop looking forward to see you..and i was lucky to see you everday in the bus..the cute lil girl hiding behind her specs..clever looking girl that keep thinking.."is this guy looking at me?.."yeap i was and loving the vision..i kept asking my fren about you..and i just dunnoe what to do whenever i see you..during your dance practice in cemta, i wont miss the chance to look at you..even a glimpse of your sight make me feel peaceful and silence..even when i know im clapping one hand at that point of time..with my cap..you recognised me..again you were asking at yourself.."is this guy looking at me?..."and yeap i was..every move and steps u r dancing..i still remember the day when i actually waited for you..then we saw each other in the bus to go home..my fren asked me who was i waiting for..i told him i was waiting for ren..but actually its u..but im happy when i saw u in the same bus that i took to go home..the shyness in you and me makes us grows fonder for each other..i miss all that days..the story of us..then we started working together..memories at bus stops..first valentine with a girl at a bus stop..with a love letter written and a rose..the first bdae gift i got for you..i wont and will never forget all that..the way you reacted when u saw it..i can see your happiness then..i love you with all my heart and i will never let it go..my trust for you is still here in me..MOMENTS..the moments that we had with each other just cant be forgotten nor erased..its the only moment that people can see my true happiness and my smile..i didnt smile alot when im not with you..you make me learn all that..you are like an angel sent for me..and i wont want to let go the angel from my heart ever..i will never erase any moments of us and keep waiting..i know that you still have that bit of love..even if there isnt..i will still think that there is..bcuz only our love cant make me survive now..nothing else can..i need you..my dear true lover,its been 3weeks im gone and we have not been contacting each other..and now when im back, u r also in silence.i dunnoe maybe u r mad at me.but i wont give up on you..ever..i just want to tell you that i will be waiting and loving you with every bit of my heart..never to stop..my life is incomplete without you..it full of loneliness and not as colourful as before..i miss ur voice..i miss ur smile..i miss your beautiful eyes..i miss ur everything..its hard for me to face this..but its my fault..i will be waiting.waiting always...i better get going now..my laptop is wet..i shouldnt be crying if im happy for you..i love you..i love you still Nur Fardiyana bte Sulaiman..i hope you will let me in..i missed you.. Labels: admitting a mistake will make the love grows deeper..
want to know who..? ; 4:56 PM
never did i regret loving you.. ; 1:40 AM
remember the last post that i posted in my blog..a lie was in it all..i type all that down because i know you are moving on..but what i know..in life, a single lie can break all the happiness..but now i want to tell the truth..what i have been facing and doing for the past 1mnth im in china..Since the first day i reach there, i have been thinking of you..Everyday i read the book that u lent me with our picture as the bookmark..Every nite before i slp, i look at our pics in my psp, crying to slp..In my slp i dreamt of us..i hope it will come true..I know i have hurt you but that was because i cant think properly..After this three weeks, i have thought carefully and make my decision..But i know i cant change the decision of urs..Thats why im trying my best..till here today..im sleepy after the long journey and tired..and lappie making problems..i love u still the way i do 7 months ago..n im missing you..Labels: pls my belle..
Sunday, June 7, 2009
we are moving on.. ; 11:20 PM
we are both moving on now..we are best frens..im her photographer and she is my model..be happy with naim..i will be happy with atiqah..hope im not clapping one hand with her..and my frens..i do like atiqah..and i know yana likes naim too..i hope both of us will be happy with the one we have found now..getting to know them better..im going to miss atiqah..rilli..i cant meet her before i go but i know..we have a long journey ahead of of us..i hope..do tc of urself teyh?and awak..pls dont say about me n her anymore..we got nothing to do anymore..i will call u when im boarding the plane..Labels: we have too..
im away.. ; 10:49 PM
i wont be in singapore..wont be updating for 3weeks..gonna miss u all..tc okeyh..Labels: gonna miss modeliee..
Thursday, June 4, 2009
thought i could smile.. ; 11:14 PM
remember that i told you that i will smile when i read your blog..?
i think im wrong to say that..
i cant deny my feelings that i have for you..
but i have to lie to myself..
in order to move on..
maybe HE is giving you hints..
and dont deny that you have feelings for him too..
like i say..
i believe everything that a blogs tells me..
you are happy with him..
you gonna miss him..
you need him..
not me..
bye..
Labels: but i cant..
need to... ; 10:43 PM
why am i feeling this way?
why am i?
im confused and lost..
i just know that my heart still beats for her..
its just difficult for me..
but it seems soo easy for her..
she can still meet and talk and text to someone..
without feeling anything..
but me..?
nvm..
life is like this i guess..
i have to adapt to this changes..
the fact that we are no longer..
and the fact that she has someone else..
thats all for now..
cant take it no more..
Labels: but i cant...
i miss her sumhow.. ; 12:40 AM
i miss berry..
i somehow cant slp thinking of her...
i dunno why i keep thinking of her...
i know its hard for me to forget her...
but im trying my best in forgetting her...
she ask me not to worry bout her...
she say she is confused if she still love me or not...
i just hope she still do...
even when i know we can never get back together...
except when i have completed my studies n NS...
maybe she still love me,
maybe she dont...
only HE has the answer to all this..
and i hope we will meet again in future to come...
choco still loves you here but i will try and move on...
for your sake...
and i hope,
that you will never forget me...because our memories are still playing in my mind ryte now...
and it will never vanish from my mind and heart...just remember that i will always be here for you...as a friend...as a photographer...tc there berry...
Labels: choco miss berry..
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
to berry <3.. ; 10:52 PM
berry..
im happy to have spent the last 3days with you..
it reminds me bout the past..
but i will add it to our memories..
i hope the minnie mug and the mickey bow will be of good use to you..
i will always pray for your happiness..
we are still friends though..
in our past relationship, i had learn and be a better person..
when im with you..
you have been making me more confident of myself..
in my looks and personality and studies..
i thank you for that..
and because of you, i realise my talent in taking pics..
i can be your personal photographer..
but takkan tak bergajikan??
hehe..im just kidding..
im not a professional but i can try..
hearing bout you and Naim, somehow hurts me..
but im happy now..
at least theres someone who loves you and care for you..
who can keep you company always..
i just hope he will take good care of you..
i will still be here..
but as a fren..
a close fren indeed..
we cant meet always..
but we can text each other..
and it cant be always me to make the first move to text..
because we are friends now and it doesnt matter who text who first..
am i right?
ok then..
till here i can type..
my hands are tired and so do my eyes..
anything, beep me..
tc there berry..
Labels: aladin and jasmine...
life have to go on... ; 10:33 PM
life in this world is not easy.
we have to learn alot from it.
even though sometimes we thought that we have learn alot from it,
we will still make mistakes and break down.
like a sayings..
"the journey of life is like a roller coaster"
our path of life leads us to many directions..
its us who have to decide and choose it wisely..
sometimes we ask our friends and parents for help..
BUT!
most importantly,
the decision comes from you..
and to make that decision,
you have to use both your mind and heart..
sometimes the decision is rilli hard for us to make..
BUT!
HE wont test us this way if he know we cant afford to face it..
HE gave us this because he knows we can go through it with a strong heart and mind..
He gave us all this test to make us a stronger and a better person in life..
i used to be a low spirited guy..
weak and slow..
but alhamdulillah now im strong and not as slow as before in many things..
even though sometimes i tend to be weak..
BUT!
i pick myself back up and continue my journey even after several falls..
i have my sayings..
"i will never stop till i achieve my dream"
all of us have learn not to give up ever since we are a baby and toddler..
remember the times we cried for milk..?
without giving up till we get the milk..
remember the time we learn to crawl?
did we ever give up?
remember the time when we learn how to walk?
did we give up?
remember the time we learn how to call our parents?
daddy..mummy..
did we ever ever ever give up?
and did our parents ever give up on us during that period?
and till now they have never given up on us..
you know why?
its because we are theirs..
we are their kids..
we are their happiness since we are born..
you know what they are hoping to see in us?
our achievements..
they will be proud to see their kids that they bring up be successful..
they will feel happy for you guys..
because you are successful..
if can they they want us to be better then what they are..
to be a better person for the future, religion and country..
soo to the people out there..
never be afraid of what people think of your decision..
people wont know what you are really going through..
unless they are you..
=)
Labels: be strong..
ended so soon... ; 10:02 PM
been spending time with her for 3days now..2moro was supposed to be the last but it was cancelled..as he is going away soo they wanna meet..im happy she found him..have to be ryte?cuz she is..soo i have to for her..on mondae, we went to catch a movie as soon as our school ends..we catch it at downtown east..hmm..the tittle is The Conspiracy..i guess..ryte? hehe..thee story was great..must watch tau guys..we were like keep getting the same seat no whenever we catch a movie there..after the movie ended, that is like a 2hr movie..we rush rush rush!!!back to school as she got tarian..when we reach school, suddenly everyone knows bout the movie tingi..maybe SOMEONE CLOSE told them..(o.O)i wonder who..then next to the second day..on tuesday, i brought my new camera just to take pics as memories..and train up my skills as a photographer and hers as a model..we took like over 100++ pics just in an hour or two..crazy right??while we are bz taking pics, my fellow tarian mates and hip hop mates watch videos at my lappie..then after lots of photo taking, she got hungry..soo we went eat at cafe 2..(she is weird..people eat after dance..but she eat before dance..if it were me, i would have vomitted when dancing..)then after eating, she started her tarian..then after her tarian, went to simpang to eat with cikgu,isa and khai..had fun joking while eating..having isa and khai, is like having a group of jokers..hehe..no offence..they are good frens to hang out with..they always cheer u up when u r down..then after that went to take bus n go home..but before going home, we upload all pics in my lappie and she went home..the last day that ended soo soon to me..the last day is todae..we went our to our memorable place..we took pics and talk n sing there..then not long enuf, she is not feeling well..soo planned to go home..then tau2 while heading home, she say shes ok..so like the day before, we upload all the pis into my lappie..then after that, found out in my lappie have diner dash..soo she played it..stressing up, she off it..hehe,,we then play a clue searching game..had fun and gedebak-gedebuk masa dah lmbt..soo we have to make our wae home..that was the last happy moments..and it ended there..i just hope she will be happy..tc there berry<3..Labels: but have to go on..
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
happy times.. ; 9:07 AM
im very happy nowadays..first good n the bestest news is that,i just got my own personal lappie!!!hehe..next i got a camera!!hehe..next i got to spent my days with her for this few days before i go china..yest night, i called her..talk to her otp cuz i missed her..want to meet her too before going china but i dunnoe when i can..now doing my project..got to go guys..Labels: im happy now..
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